When a child in the family faces a serious or ongoing health challenge, everyone feels it. The focus often shifts quickly to doctors and specialists, schedules and medications, and keeping the affected child as stable and safe as possible. That focus is natural and necessary. But over time it can leave others in the family feeling left behind, especially the siblings.

Many parents do not realize it at first. We are caught up in making sure everything that needs to happen, happens. We sit in hospital waiting rooms, take endless phone calls, and become experts in conditions we had never even heard of before. The child who is sick or vulnerable becomes the center of our day, our thoughts, and our energy. We love all our children equally of course. But there are only so many hours and only so much we can do.

What often happens is that the “healthy” child, the one who seems fine, learns to blend into the background. They might even seem unusually helpful and agreeable, as if they instinctively know that the family needs calm wherever it can be found. But inside, they can feel overlooked, unimportant, and even resentful. Some children keep their feelings to themselves while others act out in frustration.

That is why it is so important to be intentional about seeing all of our children, not just the one in crisis. The healthy sibling matters just as much. Their needs and feelings are just as real. They are also navigating a very hard thing, even if their role looks different.

One of the most valuable things we can give a child in this situation is the gift of time. Even short moments of undivided attention can mean more than we realize. We do not have to plan elaborate outings. Even sitting together after dinner, asking about their day, listening without interruption, can help. We can make it clear we see them for who they are, and not just as the sibling of someone who is sick.

Sometimes children feel guilty for wanting our attention, because they know their brother or sister has serious needs. They may feel like their own emotions are less important. It is good to reassure them that everyone’s feelings count. It is okay for them to feel angry, jealous, or sad sometimes. They are not bad for wishing life were different.

It can also help to give siblings some age appropriate understanding of what is going on. Children can sense when something is wrong even if we do not tell them, and their imagination can make things seem even worse. Using words they can understand, answering their questions, and letting them feel included can ease their worries and remind them they are a valued part of the family’s journey.

We are reminded of how deep and complicated these feelings can be when reading Janna Miller’s moving novel, The Golden Hour. Her storytelling captures the quiet struggles families face when one child’s needs seem to overshadow everything else. Reading her work reminds us to pause and look at the whole picture, to remember that each family member carries their own invisible story.

Finding balance is never easy. There will be days when we feel like we cannot possibly meet everyone’s needs. That is okay. Perfection is not the goal. What matters is the effort we put into showing all of our children that they are seen, heard, and loved. Sometimes that means letting the healthy child pick the dinner menu or planning a day just for them, even if it is simple. Sometimes it means giving them space when they need it or finding another trusted adult they can talk to when we are stretched thin.

Siblings who grow up in a family with ongoing medical challenges often develop incredible empathy and resilience. They learn patience, strength, and compassion in ways many people never have to. But they still deserve our care and our presence. Let us remember they are not forgotten, that we see how hard they are trying too.

Reading The Golden Hour reminds us that the small moments between parents and children can carry more weight than we realize. Janna Miller paints a touching portrait of a family finding its way through struggle, and it gives us a powerful nudge to pay attention to all the lives intertwined in ours.

So let us all take a deep breath and remind ourselves we are doing our best. And let us keep looking for the quiet ways to remind all of our children that they are loved, equally and completely. The sick one, the healthy one, every one of them matters.